“I can’t do as many things as I used to do, but I’m now learning to enjoy what I can do.” — 78 year-old grandmother
Losses occur at every stage in life, particularly in the later years. As
we age, we must cope with a variety of setbacks – physical, social, or
emotional – that may, over time, affect our ability to function independently,
jeopardizing our freedom from relying on others for our needs. The extent to
which we accept and adapt to these losses directly affects the quality of life
we achieve and maintain.
What
kind of loss of independence might we experience?
Physical and Mental Losses
Some
changes in the abilities physical and mental, such as not remembering
appointments or having difficulty climbing stairs, getting in/out of the
shower, opening jars, or walking long distances. Other changes may
include: Vision and hearing problems, less
physical energy, less
ability to move easily, less stamina, less flexibility, less control over
emotions and memory problems.
Social
Loss
Physical
losses can gradually limit the ability to participate in social activities –
sports, cultural outings, parties, and even dining out. As a result over time,
less contact with others may lead to fading friendships.
Emotional
Loss
Loss of independence can create tremendous
frustration, feelings of uselessness, and sadness, due to a sense of loss of
control in one’s life. For example:
- Necessary activities like personal care, grocery shopping and medical appointments might seem impossible to accomplish. Being unable to do what used to be ordinary activities can be extremely frustrating. People often feel a loss of control when they are unable to get where they want to go when they want to get there.
Some
typical reactions to Loss of Independence
When
thinking about or beginning to experience loss of independence due to ageing,
it is common for people to experience complicated feelings such as:
- Fear: Some people become frightened by their new vulnerability, wondering how they will manage on their own. Overwhelmed, they may begin to expect close friends and family to be always available for them.
- Anger: Others, feeling angry that they can no longer manage on their own, may take their anger out on their loved ones.
- Guilt. Still others may feel guilty and refuse needed help from family and friends because they think they will be considered a burden.
- Confusion. It is not uncommon for people to feel confused about needing help and long for “what was.”
Adjusting
to Loss of Independence
As losses
occur, the need for assistance from others increases. Recognizing your attitude
toward relying on others may provide a hint as to how you may adjust to your
loss of independence in later years. People vary in their reactions to
receiving help. Some are quite comfortable receiving assistance from others,
while others are not, for example:
Comfortable
with Assistance: Some people have always enjoyed having others do things
for them such as cooking or cleaning the house. Not being able to do these
things for themselves because of a health problem does not bother them.
Some
individuals have had to rely on family, friends, or paid caregivers throughout
life because of a longstanding health problem or disability. For them,
accepting help does not threaten independence. Rather, help may be viewed as a
necessary ingredient to achieving a rich and full life.
Uncomfortable with Assistance: Some
older adults have gotten great pleasure from caring for others but are not
comfortable receiving help themselves.
There are
still others who have always strongly preferred to manage without help whenever
possible. For these people, accepting assistance, particularly from someone
outside their family, is difficult.
Even the
most independent among us have relied on others at some point during our adult
lives. Sometimes help comes in the form of a job reference, a financial loan,
or moral support. As you grow older your attitudes toward accepting help may
change, especially when you experience changes in your health or social life.
Those who adapt to accepting help can devote more time to building new and
positive experiences.
How
can we cope with the Loss of Independence?
Carer Be
Patient
Be
patient with the people you are caring for. It takes time for them to
acknowledge their losses and to understand how these are affecting their life
now.
Help them
understand that losing independence is a common experience as people age, and
not a sign of personal failure.
Help them
to recognise their feelings and that it’s OK to feel sad and frustrated at
times without putting themselves down for not being able to do what they used
to do.
Try to
get them to listen to your suggestions about how to make things easier. This is
not always easy to do, but there are many ways to keep your service user
engaged and interested.
Try to help them to maintain relationships with loving and caring with
you, friends and family, work out what help they need and try to encourage them
to accept it. Seek help from your manager and family if you are worried to
contact the GP if is necessary.
Service
user be Patient
Losses
are inevitable especially as you age. Recognise and accept that losing
independence is a common experience as people age, it is normal and natural.
Remain
open, trusted family, friends and your carers might offer suggestions about things
you could try to make your life easier. Think about and discuss these options
rather than closing your mind to the possibilities.
Pursue
new experiences; develop new friendships, interests, hobbies, and other
activities that you physically can do.
Stay connected;
continue to maintain relationships with friends, family and your carers.
Volunteer;
spend time helping and teaching people, volunteering keeps you intellectually
and socially stimulated. It makes you feel useful and provides you with new
social networks.
Accept
that assistance is needed. It is okay to deal with your loss of independence on
your own, but also to have help and support from others make easier to deal
this process and help to improve your quality of life.
Allow
yourself to find the balance between accepting help and living as independently
as possible. Keep in mind that others may feel good about helping you.
Johanna
Berbesi
Professional
Advisor-Occupational Therapy
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